seems like tv be spitting all kinds of stuff about super mario because hes now 25! i cant believe hes actually 25 i remember when he was just a fictional games character! cant beat super mario cars though vroooom!!! screech!!!! red shell!!!!! get out dad!!!

WEEKEND WAS FU oops weekend was fun. didnt really do much just made some plans for the future. one word: lasers.

dads still not back but at least mums not crying as much. dads friend kenny is here an awful lot helping her sleep and fixing the locks which is nice of them but my key was fine? good to be safe though blood!

not seen dave c for a while probably because hes back at school. its his final year so he needs to get his head down otherwise he cant do a-levels and he’ll have to go work in his dads fish shop. last thing that guy needs is fish smell. hes only 15.

deleted my facebook account this week. this means lizards like zuckerberg cant see that i really liked anchorman. gotta be careful these days! is there an app for that? hahaha nah facebook is good and twitter is ok too but to be honest i just prefer msn.

i heard that there is a new sonic game coming out! i hope that its ok and that the graphics are pretty good maybe a 7? oh who knows? vai thinks sonic is better than mario cos he can run fast and he gets rings which are better than coins if you ask me cos you can wear them. also, i like dr robotnik did you know in japan they call him ‘eggman’ haha how can a man be a egg?

I also like knuckles hes a madhead bit like me?

i remember where i was nine years ago today. i was sat in chemistry being top of the class and underappreciated. a lot of people at school were jealous of my brains so i guess thats why they didnt like me but its ok im a rebel yeah. so i was sat in chemistry thinking about how unfair my life was and how i wanted revenge against everyone and suddenly the news of 9-11th came on the news.

well vai didn’t know where to look! we went to the form room where mr thomson hid his scrumpy and watched on the tv. a plane flew into a building. not one, but two! what are the odds?!

109,274,936 to 1.
vai knew it was a conspiracy. let’s look at the evidence.
first of all. who knows how to fly planes? pilots.
who killed jesus? pilate.
what is johnny depp famous for? pirate.
do you see?

it was an inside job. somebody got INSIDE a plane and flew it into a building. the evidence is right in front of us! can we rule out the scientologists? no way. can we rule out tracey chapman being targeted in a similar way? i dont think so. in fact, i can think of at least 20 people who would like to fly a plane into tracey, never those who have!!!

today for 9/11th i am just keeping my head down and trying to win some money. any money i will win i will dedicate to the victims of 9/11th, more specifically 9/12th: the world’s messiest day.

if you are commemorating 9/11th today, vai asks you to keep your head down, dont drink and drive, and keep an eye out for family. you never know when you wont be able to see them again.

last week vai told you all about dave c and his cousin steve c and how i didnt like steve c that much especially his daft girlfriend.

anyway, since then i have discovered that dave c and steve c and skye (shes a bit fat so i call her “sky plus” hahaha ive not spoke to anyone in days) have been hanging out more and more. yesterday i checked dave c’s twitter profile and what did it say:

“i am dave c and im a complete n00b”

hahaha not really (tho he is) but it said this:

“just watched chronicles of riddicks with dave and skye”

w the f?

srsly, w the f?

this is worse than 9/11.

chronicles of riddicks is OUR film that me and dave used to watch whenever his mum and dad argued. we once watched it after doin pure and we had a men-like experience. proper crazy couldnt remember nothing the next day!!

so obviously dave c is now a lizard so i have done the only thing i could and set up a fake twitter account (@davecisanidiot) and been tweeting him some proper truth bombs:

@davec “your mum is so stupid she doesn’t know what a knife is!!!”

@davec “when your dad goes to the shop he gets lost and ends in a park because hes an idiot”

@davec “you are rubbish at halo 3. you probably call it ‘hello 3′ because you make friends with intimate objects. n00b.”

@davec “you think the main character in halo 3 is called masterchef”

@davec “when you invest in real estate youll probably end up buying a bin instead and it will not increase in commercial value as it matures just li…”

@davec “…ke your stupid mum who is also a bin so thats why you bought a bin because you secretly fancy your own mum you pervert.”

vai wins again.

anyway i have now decided to get some new friends. not that i need them cos i can play online bingo and use the money i win to buy some.

friend criteria is as follows:

- no idiots

- must be FULLY literate in C++ and javascript

- mixed race only (its just easier)

- webcam

- 24

- ready to go above and beyond if the revolution requires it

- must like tracey chapman

- dislikes = lizards, world of warcraft players under level 60, dave c

if you would like to be my friend, please get in touch. otherwise, you are scared.

\sv/

we see a house with a drug deal going down in it. there are two men. in the background the tv is showing sopranos (influence???)

man 1: “hi alan. have you got the drugs?”

man 2: “you betcha, conan. i hope youve got the right change this time!”

man 1: “haha”

man 2: “haha”

man 1: “well, you are probably best passing the drugs over to me then.”

man 2: “ok. I will put them in your hand now.”

man 1: “ok.”

just at that moment a man kicks down the door of the house. he is wearing a black leather trenchcoat and is of oriental descent. he has matrix glasses and a good heart. his name is stefan vee and you just know he has a sick mobile phone.

stefan vee: “why don’t you put this in your hand, baby?!”

stefan vee gets out a massive gun and starts firing at the roof. the men start to run and hide behind the tv. unfortunately, vee has shot a whole in the ceiling and a couch falls through it and lands perfectly. two girls are on the couch in bikinis.

stefan vee: “ladies… how nice of you to drop in on a couch.”

the girls giggle and vee gets out some cards to show them a magic trick but one of the drug men charges at him. vee simply gets his hand out and punches him right in the mush with his hand.
stefan vee: “now that’s what i call a punch in the face.”

there is just one man left, shaking behind the tv. vee lights a cigarette.

stefan vee: “you know, mr drug man, my favourite superhero is superman. now batman and spider-man they became heroes, but superman was born one. he arrived here from krypton factor and he said ‘hey baby here i am!!!’ and that was that. that was superman. the man of steal, yet he always gave it to the poor, you dig? so i guess what i’m saying is…

… who turned out the lights?”

vee shoots the television and it gets slightly darker.

vee: “welcome to channel vee.”