This post might seem a bit early – it’s not halloween until the end of the month, but last week strolling through the town at dusk felt like fright night. the nights have started getting darker earlier so even though it must have only been about half seven it was like totally dark and because the weather was so cold there was smoke in the air. you know like when you can see your breath? it was like that. scary.
We were just strolling around town looking for something to do as usual – this towns so boring. and I just couldn’t believe the atmosphere both dave c and me said it – it was like something out of goosebumps. we heard this horrible screaming noise as well just as we passed mcdonalds, I thought a girl was getting attacked but then this fox ran infront of us making this horrible noise – why was a fox running around the street at seven in the evening? it’s because the whole town is turning into a dump! everything’s desserted, like a ghost town. there’s so many empty buildings with signs saying shops to rent. I wonder how long it will be until they just knock the whole town down and start again.
I think it’s a conspiracy, to do with the economy or something, but it reminds me of those films set in 1920s New York when they had a ‘great depression’ too. Maybe these things are linked – the weather and the economy. When the economy’s bad the weather gets cold and fog hangs in the air. And when it’s good it’s sunny, like in Brewster’s Millions. what a great film. Anyway I hope they start filling these shops up again soon, i dont like this time of depression – its scary and boring. dave c agrees.
this is a warning for people who didnt know (i didn’t) apparently there are a lot more illegal things than i ever realised. other than visiting peoples sheds, apparently ive been engaging in other illegal behavior. These laws really are a bit ridiculous. i do sometimes wonder about the legal system of this country. theres a law saying if you need the toilet on a long journey, you have to go out the left hand side of the vehicle, thats fine. But, you cant go into other peoples sheds unless theyre called roald dahl. Wheres the justice in that?
and another thing thats illegal is ‘abusing people on the internet’. What? everyone knows thats just funny. its not exactly the same as throwing a brick through someones window is it? or hitting a child in the face. some people call it ‘trolling’. luckily i saw on the news this time that it was illegal before I got caught. a boy got arrested for years because hed written something on a website that someone else had found offensive. i was pretty shocked as this seems like a ridiculous thing to be arrested for, but if that’s the law, thats the law, so i’l be a bit more careful about what i send people now. although im wondering how they caught this guy – he must have also left a message saying his name, address and contact details as well. which is just really stupid if you ask me. everything i write is always anonymous. Mostly.
The government have passed the shark hunting ban. well apparently they passed it years ago. but now the police have ‘officially cautioned’ me because of it.
they really should be more specific about things you can or cant do. i knew theyd banned fox hunting, which seems fair as foxes are cute and shouldnt be killed by horses, but i didnt know theyd also said that you cant visit other peoples sheds. i visited roald dahls shed before, where he wrote his books, so i didn’t know you needed permission from the owner first. – I never got roald dahl’s permission.
what happened was i wanted to go shed hunting but dave c said it was stupid, hed only been once and said it wasnt a good idea because someone might see us. what an idiot – ofcourse someone might see us, were on the hunt for people living in sheds, obviously if we find them they’ll see us. so i went on my own this time instead. and yea someone did see me – dave c was right. just as i hopped over the fence into the garden of number 12 a light came on, ‘don’t worry, its only me looking for people in sheds’ I shouted…then i went over to the shed and opened it. but then the people of number 12 started shouting and screaming at me to get out. i figured maybe they were a bit mental so it was probably safer if i left – didn’t want them to turn all tanisha on me and start throwing chicken thighs or something.
So i just went home and thought nothing of it, but then a knock at the door came and the police were there – thats when they explained the law and gave me an ‘offical caution’ so now im banned from doing that which is quite annoying. I’ll have to think of another way to help people solve their debt problems
Mine and dave c’s shark hunts have been going really well. A few days ive had to go on my own cos dave’s been busy playing football in the park with some losers from his school but its still going well without him.
i worked out using pythagoras theory and a complicated mathematical algorithm that theres roughly ten sheds in the gardens of streets on our house. Then I looked out of the upstairs window and into the gardens of the ten houses I could see and counted ten sheds. then i looked on google earth and still there were ten, a lot of sheds for one street so i think if anyone was hiding in a shed, running from sharks, they’d probably be on our street. Handy really. weve got a theme tune ‘going on a shark hunt, going to catch a big one’. i know it’s not the sharks we’re after so doesn’t quite work, but i liked the tune so it stuck.
The house next door was the first one I tried, but weve been to about 5 in total. All you have to do is wait till the middle of the night and then put on clothes for shark hunting, goggles, hats, gloves, belt, socks – then climb over a fence and look in the shed. sounds easy but some fences are quite high so can take up to three run and jumps before me and dave c both get over. the 5 sheds ive seen so far (dave cs only seen one) have only had garden stuff in but im not giving up the hunt…
I sometimes think the computer knows what im thinking. It scares me so much, like last week I was thinking about those adverts that are on all day on tv – about debt consolidation. Who are they aimed at I thought? If people are running away from loan sharks, surely they aren’t just sat in front of their tvs? The sharks would be able to find them so easily there, they are more likely to be hiding in a shed with no water somewhere. That’s what id do if id borrowed money off a loan shark and spent it all on gambling and computer games.
So anyway, I was on the computer looking at debt consolidation and then it started – hundred of adverts, every time I go online. They know im worried about debts. Google knows. I do worry for people who need debt loans. I guess getting a loan to pay of your debt is a good thing – it keeps the sharks away. That way these people will be able to leave their sheds, but how will they hear about them? I doubt they’ve got wifi in their sheds. The more the internet reminds me about the plight of these poor people, the more want to do something to help them.
Ive asked dave c to help me out, we’re going to go on the hunt for these people who are running away from sharks and tell them that there is a way they can pay off their debt and keep the sharks at bay.
When people go missing, their family sometimes just forget about them and forget the fact they went. They don’t go looking for them, or they do for a bit but then just give up. Im not going to do that with dad. He’d be gutted if he thought id just given up and let the lizards get away with it, he needs saving but I need to find him in order to do it.
Using my knowledge of computer technology I thought surely id be able to hunt down the lizards and see how they went about their nasty plan. When people hack into computers and steal documents from the computer they are able to do it because of a leak in the computer’s security system. BINGO! That’s it, that’s how the lizards did it. They found a leak in the plumbing system and that’s how they got in and took dad.
What I need to continue my search is to use some kind of leak detection technology. Once I find where the leak is that they used then I might get some clues as to where they have taken him and are now keeping him. I actually feel like Sherlock homes now, dad would be so proud. My search can really get under way now and I cant wait to see his face when I find him and tell him how I beat the nasty lizards with my clever detective skills. He’ll probably cry, I really do hope so.
by the looks of things dads made it to the lizard stronghold in libya. Obvious init, LI-bya. lizards-be-here.
riots kicking off here, riots kicking off there. i got an iphone from somewhere and have been tracking dad’s movements with flight tracker. it’s pretty easy, just multiply his birthday date with his age to get the flight number and key it in and away we go. then, when the vai needs some downtime i just download some games.
dave c recommended some online casino but i prefer rage. RAGE. its pretty much like cod but shotting mutants in a post-apocalyptic wasteland instead of people in a war. you have to kill mutants on a reality tv gameshow in the future. celebrity big brother would be so much better with this premise
RAGE
recently ive been doing more research into crazy bus lady using media decryption and nsa standard techniques. i found this
and i played it backwards and im pretty sure I got the last paragraph of david icke’s The Biggest Secret.
well just like vai has been saying for years its all kicking off with riots left right and central!!! why is it happening? is it because of way the underclasses have been taken advantage of for years bycompanies who claim to be helping but are only really helping themselves? is it the expected backlash after years of bankers and rich people taking the old mick out of the poor? nah its this innit…
lizards have got into the bodies of the underclass and started havin a laugh in currys no doubt. blah blah blah whats new?
i love tracey chapman chapman maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan i am so tired. whats next?
oh yeah wrestling is great im lovin the stuff with cm punk but will wwe be able to maintain it and will i even be able to watch it once dads emergency money runs out? theres always the internet to stream it on!
mick foley the wrestler who fell off a cage has been doing stand up comedy! unbelievable! vai fans will remember that i like stand up comedy after i inducted stand up comedian phil ellis into the steve vai hall of fame class of 2011.
well now mick foley the wrestler who fell off a cage is treading the boards of comedy and here’s a video clip…
…. hahahahaha!
BUS LADY NEWS
i have done some research into the leaflet i had posted under my door last week. basically, i typed in ‘bus lady manchester‘ into goggle and found lots of information about her. theres even a video of this brave woman giving out leaflets in manchester just like the one i received:
gotta admit im pure excited about this as i think a vai bus lady partnership could really expose some proper jaff out there dread. shes already saying ched about blair and hrh jack straw so who knows what else we could expos-ecute together????
what a night it was last night at wwe money in the bank! i never expected the rebel cm punk to win the title and now he has and he is definitely never gonna be back with the title! and john cena is f-i-r-e-d like a n00b! eat that, vince!!!
this weekend was just great. money in the bank was the icing on the cake really. on saturday i woke up to find a leaflet posted under my door. it was different from all the other bits of paper that come through my door as this one was not filled with lizard lies about ‘bailiffs’ and ‘your dads dead’. anyhoo i opened up the leaflet after sniffin it to make sure it wasnt from steve vai scientologist guitarist tramp and it wasnt. it was all about how tony blair and jack straw have been mucking everything up for everyone and getting on everyones nerves!!!
the newsletter was badly punctuated (i dont know how anyone could do that in this day an age of word processors!) but it made pure sense and i was glad that i read it. i wont mention who wrote it as it might compromise her national security but what i will say is that she is a magic and she can drive my bus any day, lady.
now that my beard is almost 3 feet i decided that i would trim it just a little bit because it was getting in the way of me playign cod with kids. anyhoo i was so pleased with the results that yesterday i decided to finally get out of the house. it had been 4 months! i headed to the newsagent to buy a news of the world and – lo and behold – ‘its no longer available’. what. evs. i ran home shocked that the lizards would target my local newsagent, and once i locked all 231 locks on the back of the door i put my foil hat on and played some tracey chapman.
when i was calm i read the bus lady leaflet again and then had old horlicks heehee.
RAGE
