Archive for the ‘Conspiracies’ Category

iDeA – Metal Gears Solid Shhhh!

Friday, August 27th, 2010

i’m a big fan of the metal gears series of games. i love the way solid snake crawls in the grass and gets everybody. i particularly like it when he chokes people out. yea, take that mr collins head of year 9!!!

anyway, ive been stuck on my own in the house since Monday because dad has gone away to fight the lizards and mum is staying with her auntie violet, so ive had plenty of time to think about the next metal gears sold game.

ok so first of all lets get rid of solid snakes. the name of the new hero is stefan vee. he is an anglo-japanese supersoldier made from fire and he lives in an apartment in new york. sure he likes chicks but he doesn’t need them. then one day liquid snake comes round to his flat in a car with bombs on it and starts messing about, so stefan and his sidekick dan B (deaf) knock him out COLD.

i think this would be a great game because it would operate in 5d which is 3d but with added Death and Destruction. also the soundtrack is by doctor dre and fleetwood mac (random).

if you press up down left right square triangle square on the title screen you get to play half life 2 (if you want).

the emphasis of the game is stealth though so sometimes you cant see whats happening but its ok because in that way its like life.
here is a little screen shot i have mocked up:

stealth!!!!

so that’s my idea for metal gear solid shhhhh! I hope you like it it costs £70 and comes with a free mouse mat with has a laser pen built in.

\sv/

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Scientology – I told you so!!!!

Tuesday, July 20th, 2010

who remembers the past??? vai does. in the past, it was steve vai who told everyone about the evils of scientology. not once, but twice.

and what happens today? councillor john Dixon from wales tweets about how he doesn’t want scientology to rub off on him outside a church and then what? the scientologists have pretty much killed him!!
how many times do i have to tell you people??? watch out for these lunatics, especially tom cruise! when i said i saw him at knutsford services playing time crisis 2 people thought id gone mad. three years later, theres a conspiracy against tracey chapman and now this in the space of a week. coincidence? does the pope like woods????

all i can legally tell you is this: be careful. the skies are closing in on us and if we’re not careful they’ll cut the internet. once this happens, civilisation is doomed and we won’t know what to do anymore. without twitter, there will be nothing to get upset about for a day. and without that, our existences become futile.

any of my american readers. if you see tracey chapman, protect her. do this by showing her the thumb, middle and little fingers on your left hand and then giving her some foil. she will know what to do. perhaps she will write a song about it. we can only hope.

if any of my readers see tom cruise – STAY WELL AWAY. he might act sweet and innocent (averagely), but it is easy to see through his skills and see him for the dangerous man that he is. a handful of us have seen the last samurai – dude can use a sword ftw!

and lastly, if you do not see tracey chapman, or tom cruise, just stock up on foil for gods sakes.

Posted in Conspiracies, Scientology | No Comments »

A hung Parliament

Friday, May 7th, 2010

Well, well, well, looks like the system is holding down the peeps yet again! Where is Bob Dylan when you need him, because I can’t get no satisfaction!

So, apparently, the way that we vote in the 21st century is by… not voting?! I turned up at my polling station at 9.30pm and, yeah, there was a long queue and, yeah, maybe I should’ve got there earlier, but who cares?! I. HAVE. A. RIGHT. TO. SPOIL. MY. VOTE.

Is this what Malcolm X died for???

Now the UK(ant vote) is stuck between a rock and a hard place as we have a hung parliament, which is good because I think we should HANG ALL POLITICIANS OK!!!

I haven’t slept.

My heart tells me to go down to Parliament and protest against this terrible system, but my head says I need the babysitting money. Such is the stress our modern rat-race lives place upon us. It sucks.

Of course, the internet is up in arms about what happened. It’s like Rage all over again, man – awesome! (By the way, election = megaFAIL) I think we should all put on V for Vendetta masks and have a fire – that’ll show ‘em! The suits!

I’ve been chatting to my friend DarkColin on MSN and he agrees that something needs to be done. We’re thinking about sending Gordon Brown some abusive messages on Twitter because SOMETHING NEEDS TO BE DONE ABOUT IRAQ! I hate senseless acts of violence.

Picked up the Predator box set over the weekend. Absolutely loved watching every detail of those films brought to life in glorious HD, every spot of blood immortalised in crystalised beauty FTW. Beautiful.

By the way, FTW means ‘for the win’ and it’s what you say instead of a making a point. See! I could be a politician – if I wasn’t so damn honest :)

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Secrets and Lies

Monday, April 26th, 2010

One of the advantages of having parents who are quite well-off is that we always get the best of everything. Whether it’s clothes, games, Blu-rays or whatever, the money that comes into the family business pays for a lot of good stuff. Another area that has been far from neglected is internet access at our house. Because my dad likes to download a LOT of movies and burn them on to disc for his friends, we have got a superfast line installed.

It is not like your typical broadband connection, but a more dedicated line. Basically we don’t have to share our internet with anyone else in the neighbourhood, which suits me just fine. I don’t really like sharing anyway. This approach caused me no end of trouble at the Pokémon exchange parties we used to have, but there you go. Anyway. Sometimes I could kiss my superfast leased line connection, if it wasn’t for the health hazards. From playing games online to downloading all the latest movie releases for dad, it is so reliable. One thing it’s been really good for recently is streaming internet video clips, and this week I’ve been looking into conspiracies…

Now I know that people scoff when they hear the words ‘conspiracy theory‘, especially in an online blog, but there are some stories that just don’t. make. sense. man.

Check this out:

There are a number of conflicting stories when it comes to people describing their experiences with aliens. Some say they are green, some say they are grey. Therefore, I think they are definitely grey-green, like a dirty sea. We know for a fact pretty much that they are quite small and have big heads. Some also say that they have big hands (perhaps to carry massive guns or information??) and large feet.

Also found some good conspiracy theories (I’m going to call them truisms in future) regarding the government. Basically, the whole recession was caused by lizards who work in banks. Not like the Halifax or anything, but the big branches in New York. I’ve just bought some David Ike books and he might say that these lizards are reddy-purple, like an exhausted sun.

I’m so glad that my eyes are now OPEN. It just makes things easier when the woman in Tesco tries to patronise me when I’m buying cigarettes, and it’s OK now because I KNOW THE TRUTH.

Take that, Pam!

Watch the skies/banks.

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