Archive for the ‘Gaming’ Category

iDeA – Metal Gears Solid Shhhh!

Friday, August 27th, 2010

i’m a big fan of the metal gears series of games. i love the way solid snake crawls in the grass and gets everybody. i particularly like it when he chokes people out. yea, take that mr collins head of year 9!!!

anyway, ive been stuck on my own in the house since Monday because dad has gone away to fight the lizards and mum is staying with her auntie violet, so ive had plenty of time to think about the next metal gears sold game.

ok so first of all lets get rid of solid snakes. the name of the new hero is stefan vee. he is an anglo-japanese supersoldier made from fire and he lives in an apartment in new york. sure he likes chicks but he doesn’t need them. then one day liquid snake comes round to his flat in a car with bombs on it and starts messing about, so stefan and his sidekick dan B (deaf) knock him out COLD.

i think this would be a great game because it would operate in 5d which is 3d but with added Death and Destruction. also the soundtrack is by doctor dre and fleetwood mac (random).

if you press up down left right square triangle square on the title screen you get to play half life 2 (if you want).

the emphasis of the game is stealth though so sometimes you cant see whats happening but its ok because in that way its like life.
here is a little screen shot i have mocked up:

stealth!!!!

so that’s my idea for metal gear solid shhhhh! I hope you like it it costs £70 and comes with a free mouse mat with has a laser pen built in.

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iDeA – GTA5

Wednesday, August 11th, 2010

vai has had a great idea for a game. check this…

we’ve had grand theft auto 3
and grand theft auto 4
now let’s have…

GRAND THEFT AUTO 5!!!

bOoM – your mind’s just been blown!!

the idea just came to me while i was drinking some fanta in a car. basically me and dave c were parked up in sainsbo’s car park chatting the shiz, looking to score some ched from a delhi on the way home, when he mentioned that he hoped that nintendo pull their finger out and follow up their best game ever (GTA4)

so ive been thinking bout what i’d put into the game. guns are a given, but more massive ones? how about if you could just pick up a kettle and chuck it at someone? pretty realistic according to dave c (his parents were divorced in the famous c vs c case in 1999 and his mum aint allowed homewares no mo)

right, massive guns and kettles. how about graphics so good you can see their brains? or cars so realistic you can literally actually physically generally smell the tyres burning (scratch n sniff on the box)?

here’s a vai mock-up (not to be reproduced anywhere, nintendo!!!)…

good game

as you can see batman is in it and godzilla and lou ‘chase me chase me’ carpenter from neighbours (license pending – hes on holiday AGAIN!!!). this is so the game can appeal to comic book fans, the japanese and used car salesmen. basically, hidden in the city (Bad City, USA) are 50 framed pictures of lou carpenters and you have to collect them all to get a prize (another massive gun).

of course, the establishment once again wont listen to my ideas (super mario brushers was a great idea, by the way. as was sonic the cow.) but i’ve come to expect that now…

… but vai aint givin up

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gAmEs ReViEw – Goldeneyes

Friday, August 6th, 2010

“yeah just put it back in my room when youre done”

amazing words vai heard on christmas day 1998 when i asked my dad if the nintendo 64 set up in his room was for me. i ran downstairs and set it up and plugged in goldeneye – the greatest shooting game since world war 2 or a ched session on the numbers.

I quikly deleted my dads, mums and dads friends save games (theyd made it look like theyd bought the n64 for themselves to put young vai off the xmas scent – a nice conspiracy, but one none the less. lizards!!!) and before i knew it was banging my way through the game.

great memories. i remember spending hours on multiplayer games and always being surprised when i walked into the proximity mines id set up with the other controller. best. multiplayer. ever.

apparently theyre making a new goldeneye on the wii but wii is for kids man!!! they should put it on pc where all the best games are like solitaire and mindsweeper (haha just a joke). i don’t know what the new goldeneye on wii will look like but i reckon it’ll be like this…

goldeneyes!!!

back to the original and it had all the great characters in it like bobjob and jaws and piers morgan and it was probably the best n64 game ever made. even though its on wii and only children and japanese people play on them i am still looking forward to the sequel.

overall i rate goldeneye an f scott fitzgerald (9 out of 10):

“He smiled understandingly-much more than understandingly. It was one of those rare smiles with a quality of eternal reassurance in it, that you may come across four or five times in life. It faced–or seemed to face–the whole external world for an instant, and then concentrated on you with an irresistible prejudice in your favor. It understood you just as far as you wanted to be understood, believed in you as you would like to believe in yourself.” – The Great Gatsby

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gAmEs ReViEw – Gears of War 2

Monday, August 2nd, 2010

before tracey chapman and the internet opened my eyes to what the world is really like, i used to write video game reviews like this. vai’d like to get back to that top-class level of journihilsm with my thoughts on some computer games and hopefully i can get an online following that can help me get away from you people forever like charlie brooker (hes on twitter). i’m gonna be the arctic monkeys of games reviews – your dad is gonna love me. anyway, gears of war 2!!!

when i first heard about gears of war, i thought “finally a game about mountain bikes!” in 1999, vai submitted a proposal to e.a. sports for a mountain bike game called ‘fifa bikes’ in which famous footballers of the time fought each other on mountain bikes road rash style. here’s a screenshot from my pitch:

KILL EVERYONE

as you can see, i could only get a licence from former man united player david may (he’ll do anything if the price is right. and if it isn’t if im honest :( ) so david may was the only playable character and i couldn’t get any team licences so i had to raise money from advertising (hence the advert for the x files film, which was a 7) to pay for teams in the finished copy.

anyway, did vai hear back from ea sports? nope. ten years later what happens? gears of war, a complete rip-off of the original idea i had pretty much FTW good times fact livin the dream that is all. even the main characters are as bland and interchangeable as my original idea!!!!

the main aim of gears of war 2 is to kill a load of illegal aliens and then turn it off and trade it for call of duty 6: kill everyone. you can play 2 players at the same time like in real life tennis so me and dave c have been caning it while listening to some tracey and smoking some ched (new drug we’ve made from cheese and drugs). we got to the final boss and we’re so rarsted on ched and adrenalin we pretended it was alan sugars from tv’s ‘thapprentice’ and kept shouting ‘youre fired’ as we fired at him haha.

sound 83%, graphics 7 out of 5, and playability 3-0.

total score = “327 for 6 not out”

thumbs firmly in the middle of ‘up’.

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Workin’ 11 til 7

Thursday, May 13th, 2010

Working as a programmer isn’t without its advantages, let me tell you. We were pulling a sick all-nighter to get our latest mobile game into beta, so time was of the essence if we were to have it live by 7am. In addition, I needed to keep an eye on the ‘election’ fallout, so I had three or four on the go across various browers. SDSL FTW! Glad we got that bad boy installed just in time for the party to start…

It was an awesome night. We were ahead of schedule by 3ish so we stopped for a quick game of Counterstrike, a few Pepsis and a Dominoes. Gotta love 3am pizza delivery!

One thing I don’t love is the ‘coalition’ in Downing Street right now, trying to control us. I’m pretty sure ‘coalition’ is the Latin word for something bad, but I can’t find the definition on the internet. Coincidence? I think not…

This weekend’s shaping up to be a pretty wild one! I’ve picked up some more David Icke books so I’m in for a treat. Don’t bother with the Da Vinci Code, guys, if you want something exciting then look no further than ‘Human Race Get Off Your Knees‘. That’ll be how I’ll spend my weekend – taking my mind back (and maybe some prisoners on Counterstrike too!).

Picking up a new thrash album over the weekend too. Don’t know what though – just kinda need something to rock against the system with. So sick of the damn system, wanna shoot it in the face. ARE YOU LISTENING, FATHER? No. He’s too busy working. As always.

I’m optimistic about the future, especially with the internet and the ease with which we can now transfer information and exchange ideas. All we need now is for people to open their eyes…

Forgotten classics

Friday, April 23rd, 2010

The gaming world changes so quickly, it’s often difficult to remember what I was playing five years ago, never mind fifteen. With that in mind, I’d like to take you all on a trip down memory lane with some of my favourite 16-bit console games.

BATMAN RETURNS (Konami, Super Nintendo)
The side-scrolling beat-em-up has become something of a lost art in the computer game world recently. In the mid-90s it was all the rage, with this one in particular among my favourites.

Of course, you play Batman, taking on the Penguin and Catwoman. Whilst this game didn’t add anything groundbreaking to the genre, it ticked all the boxes well. Breakable scenary? Check. Variety of enemies? Check. Difficult end of level baddies? Check. Add into the mix a wonderful 16-bit score taken straight from Danny Elfman’s movie score and you have a forgotten classic. Holy decent-game-nostalgia, Batman!

Here’s the final boss battle:

WWF ROYAL RUMBLE (LJN, Super Nintendo)
This was a real favourite among me and my friends back when the WWF was every kids’ number one favourite thing. We used to play ‘pass the pad’, so whoever got knocked out of the Royal Rumble battle royal had to pass their joypad to the next player. Awesome days!

YOSHI’S ISLAND (Nintendo, Super Nintendo)
This might seem like an obvious choice for this list but I think it has been forgotten for a number of reasons. Firstly, it came out right at the end of the Super Nintendo’s lifespan, when people’s attention was being caught by the likes of the Playstation and Saturn. Secondly, it wasn’t strictly a Mario game, so it isn’t counted in the same family as Super Mario World (even though it was a direct sequel).

Regardless, I still adored this game and think the graphics and charm still hold up and are breathtaking even today. If you can find this in a retro shop with an old console – BUY IT. A great way to spend some time.

SUPER CASTLEVANIA IV (Konami, Super Nintendo)
Perhaps my favourite SNES game ever – even though I’ve never completed it. It’s tempting to call Super Castlevania IV a work of art. It’s beautiful. The graphics, the score, the way the game builds up as you progress through Dracula’s castle. It’s impossible to not fall in love with this game. Each sprite has been so carefully drawn, and each boss battle feels like something epic. This game is available on the Wii’s virtual console. Track it down!

Combining life’s pleasures

Tuesday, March 23rd, 2010

It’s not often in life that you find something which combines two of your greatest loves. Take Gran Turismo for example; the perfect blend of perhaps my two favourite things – computer games and fast cars. Usually you’ve got to pursue all your interests separately, which is a lot more time consuming.

However I have recently found a new website that combines two of my big passions: online gambling and Sega games. The geniuses at Sega have launched an online casino site that lets you play a range of slots and table games based on classic Mega Drive, Saturn and Dreamcast titles. It is amazing. My favourites are the House of the Dead slots and the NIGHTS slots. The latter was one of my favourite titles from the ill-fated Saturn console, so much so that I even bought the recent Wii update just to relive the memories.

When I’m gambling online I don’t usually go in for Western games like blackjack or roulette, they are OK I suppose but I much prefer to play slots, Mahjong or other Asian casino games. Perhaps it’s my heritage but I’ve always had a fondness for Mahjong. I used to have a version on the PS2, it was basically one of the NTSC launch titles along with FantaVision (remember that?). The only thing was that without any proper reward, it got a bit boring (although could you say that about any game?). I much prefer to play it at an online casino where I can at least try to win some cash.

I mentioned Gran Turismo earlier in the post and fans of the Real Driving Simulator will know that the fifth full instalment is due this year. I am so excited about this. I have already played Prologue to death, tuned my Skyline to the point of it basically becoming undriveable and started to daydream about what hot new features will be in the full release – I am particularly interested in the Ferrari F1 car and how that class is used in the final game. Think how funny it would be to totally obliterate the field in the Sunday Driver’s league with Schumi’s old car!

I am going to do a full post about Gran Turismo 5 soon but in the meantime I will leave you with this video from E3. Enjoy…

Welcome to my blog

Tuesday, March 23rd, 2010

Hi guys! I figured it was probably time that I started updating my blog, don’t want to annoy Master Chief by leaving it empty. Incidentally do you like the design? I got my friend Alan to put it together, I think it’s totally awesome. The Chief is probably my favourite computer game character of all time, but just let me update you with my current top three:

  1. Lightning (Final Fantasy XIII) – so beautiful and inspirational
  2. Sofia Lamb (Bioshock 2) – sooo evil!
  3. Chris Redfield (Resident Evil 5) – I’m replaying this at the moment, he’s awesome

On the subject of Final Fantasy XIII, I just want to go on record and say that it’s not as bad as some people are making out. I’ve heard a lot of Square Enix haters slating the game but let’s face it, it is still one of the best that will come out this year. True, you spend roughly the first 15 hours just pressing X in the battles (I started avoiding them at one point, at the expense of points and spoils), but the environments and cutscenes are stunning and the character development and story are immense.

Admittedly the game will never live up to the majesty of Final Fantasy VII (still the greatest FF title of all time and in my opinion the pinnacle of console entertainment), but it’s certainly keeping me happy.

So that’s computer games, what else am I working on at the moment? I’ve got a couple of freelance development contracts that I can’t really talk about. Some interesting stuff in there though and it pays the bills. In my spare time I’m thinking of putting together a new iPhone app. Not sure what to focus it on though. Also I’m thinking of maybe swapping my iPhone for a HTC HD2; my friend Wing has got one and it is so unbelievably powerful. The only thing is, my iPhone is obviously jailbroken so I’ve got access to thousands of apps, but the Windows Mobile apps are more expensive and it is much harder to get free ones. So maybe I’ll stick with the iPhone. I will keep you posted.

OK so that’s my first update, hope you enjoyed the insight into my life. I’ll be posting more regularly from now on, stay tuned for new posts! I will leave you with one of my favourite exchanges from Halo 2 in honour of my blog mascot:

The Master Chief: Sir, request permission to leave the station.
Lord Hood: For what purpose, Master Chief?
The Master Chief: To give the Covenant back their bomb.

So awesome.