eric cantona the footballer and actor says that we should all withdraw our money and mess up the banks! i would, but i am in my overdraft. hahaha double mess-up!
always thought he was a lizard too!!!
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Archive for the ‘the revolution’ Category
vAi & CaNtOnA – pErFeCt MaTcH?
Tuesday, November 23rd, 2010tRaInInG uPdAtE
Monday, November 22nd, 2010vai has now been training for the ufc for two weeks and it is already going just great! my weight loss programme is proving to be a big hit and i am already down to seven stone which is just over what i feel is optimum fighting weight.
my ‘ground and pound’ classes (pay £1 for a bloke to beat you up at the swimming baths) are proving to be a real success and im hoping that before christmas my face will be such a mess no-one will even consider punching it in a fight. its this brilliant thinking that kept the bullies away at school and work and chess club and its that sort of brilliant thinking that will make me ufc champion one day!
brenda 35 has been behind me the whole way. well, she would have to be as she can hardly keep up these days! and not because of her drinking, just because i am getting faster and faster. for my morning jog these days i simply steal the bottle of ‘whisky’ from under her pillow (we both know its water. only a drunk would drink that early) and start running into the street. she will follow me out every time, even if she is still asleep! what a girlfriend!
mum has been back in the house a lot more recently, sorting out some of dad’s stuff for him. dad’s fight against the lizards must be going well, as she’s been bagging up his clothes and putting them outside the house for him to collect. i love that my dad only retrieves his things when he thinks no-one is about (even though i secretly watch as he pulls up – dressed as a white man and driving a rubbish truck). the man is an inspiration. check it:
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chinese man theatre conspiracy?? part 2
Sunday, October 31st, 2010so there vai was in the middle of the victorian age, or at least that’s where i thought i was. the first rule of dealing with lizards is to never trust your surroundings (e.g. in 1993 when we went to whitley bay i didnt trust it AT ALL. that was the lizards messing with me even then). there were plenty of good-looking people all full of self-confidence so i knew this wasn’t the place for me. this victorian party look like an episode of skins as there were also some 30 year olds hanging about pretending to be young. as my gang says on world of warcraft: “get a life!!!!”
before i knew it some woman was shoving a cigarette in my face, and i dont smoke because i know that ‘marlboro country’ more or less translates to ‘area 51′ in some kind of jewish. plus brenda 35s mum died because of smoking (she choked on one while drunk) so it was inappropriate. so vai throws the cigarette out of her hand and says ‘smoking kills, babe’ and then walks out. little did i know the front door was acting as a stargate and as soon as i walked out i couldnt get back in and it was 2010 again! EPIC TIME FAIL!!!!
i had come so close to finding my dad, but fallen short yet again. i know its my destiny find him, but its very difficult because i cant trust anyone. the letter i hid from my mum last week – inviting us to see the body at a morgue – was a blatant insider job from the lizards (my dad used to get drunk and dance and say “look at my body” and then collapse and pretend he was dead! It’s an in-joke!). if they know that my dad used to do that, then they know that i would interpret the letter as a code from my dad. it’s very hard.
the road is long, and tough, and full of cars, but i have to make it to him.
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banksy
Wednesday, October 6th, 2010am absolutely lovin banksy at the moment. if you dont know he banksy is, he’s a man who writes on walls when no-one’s about, a bit like ‘gazzo 4 cheryl 4eva’ who lives near me. except its a bit more urban and not on the side of the old kwik save. here’s an example. anyway, me and brenda 35 decided to have a go at doing some ‘banksy’ ourselves…
armageddim!!
this is what would happen if my two favourite films – amargeddon and chronicles of riddick had a fight. it would be close because of bruce willis (not ben affleck hes a pussy benjord!!) but riddick would win in the end that is why ive turned the film into a gun to symbolise ‘shooting’.
sgt tracey’s lonely club
speaks for itself. oh and is that pauls tracey head facing a different direction. oh.. what a coincidence. WINK.
zool 2
some people thought zool 2 was just a game but it was more a capitalist xanadu THEY used to milk more out of the working classes who were forced to buy amiga 1200s cos their houses were too small. that’s why i’ve ‘monged’ the box art by putting some dollar signs on it like they have in usa. ive also put in my idea for a new logo for ‘the apprentice’ cos i think it’s time for a change.
yeah sometimes i think about commercial property in Bolton so what, man?
gotta love banksy. vai heard hes gonna do the Simpsons intro and thats gonna be amazing. then again i always love simpsons cos its about a family of yellow people giving shid to the man hahaha remind ya of anyone? 
iDeA – Metal Gears Solid Shhhh!
Friday, August 27th, 2010i’m a big fan of the metal gears series of games. i love the way solid snake crawls in the grass and gets everybody. i particularly like it when he chokes people out. yea, take that mr collins head of year 9!!!
anyway, ive been stuck on my own in the house since Monday because dad has gone away to fight the lizards and mum is staying with her auntie violet, so ive had plenty of time to think about the next metal gears sold game.
ok so first of all lets get rid of solid snakes. the name of the new hero is stefan vee. he is an anglo-japanese supersoldier made from fire and he lives in an apartment in new york. sure he likes chicks but he doesn’t need them. then one day liquid snake comes round to his flat in a car with bombs on it and starts messing about, so stefan and his sidekick dan B (deaf) knock him out COLD.
i think this would be a great game because it would operate in 5d which is 3d but with added Death and Destruction. also the soundtrack is by doctor dre and fleetwood mac (random).
if you press up down left right square triangle square on the title screen you get to play half life 2 (if you want).
the emphasis of the game is stealth though so sometimes you cant see whats happening but its ok because in that way its like life.
here is a little screen shot i have mocked up:
so that’s my idea for metal gear solid shhhhh! I hope you like it it costs £70 and comes with a free mouse mat with has a laser pen built in.
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More pwning Scientology…
Monday, June 14th, 2010We are legion. We are strong. We are over-age.
just goes to show what you can do with a wi-fi connection and loads of free time, eh?
The Manifesto
Wednesday, June 9th, 2010Ladies and gentleman, the revolution will not be televised. It will be streamed through a high-powered SDSL line from my bedroom.
That’s right, earthlings, no longer will Steve Vai be pwned by the government and the Powers That Beef. Me and my friend BloodTowel69 (Dave C) are going to RAWK the internet like a thing that just don’t care (like 50 Cent crossed with a man with a real gun). If you don’t believe us, click here.
Pwned! n00b!
Anyway, the rules behind our Mission our few, simple and powerful:
1. To break all shackles around our lives
2. No anthropomorphism.
3. Do something ironic/from the 1980s
4.
Innit.
…
Swish.
Now that the rules are out of the way, I’d like to show you Phase One-Alpha of our Mission: humiliating suits in chat rooms!
Tuesday 8th June 05:18
Vai: hi
38yearoldman: hey, how are you?
Vai: WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO ME I’M REALLY 12!
38yearoldman: huh?
Vai: PPEEEEAAAADDDDDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
Haha, we totally mindfudged that guy!
Here’s another…
Tuesday 8th June 06:55
Vai: hi there im a 15-year-old girl
38yearoldman: im sorry im not interested
Vai: OMG YOU REPLIED WHAT A PERV!!!!!!
LOLZEPAN! He never saw us coming!
Tuesday 8th June 07:01
Vai: Hey there!
Your chat partner has logged out.
Looks like word of the mission is spreading! People are running like runners!!!!
We’re like the KLF but with word-keyboards, basically. We’re like those guys your mother waned you about. We’re the internet’s answer to Fonejacker, except we hide behind computers millions of miles away rather than a mask. You get us? BANG! You’ve got us now.
This week’s plan involves me and BloodTowel69 hitting up some webcam chatrooms and blowing some minds. We’re basically spreading the word about the impending New World Order and then we’re gonna get a pizza in.
Gonna be a busy one, folks – but someone’s gotta do it!
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