Dear readers of my blog,
It has come to my attention that the singer/songwriter/guitar-player Tracey Chapman is not dead. Believe me, I found this information out the hard way on Friday night (Wikipedia). Firstly, I would just like to say that, although I was wrong to publish such unverified information, I think it is quite obvious that me and my friend Dave C have been duped as part of a much-wider conspiracy that may even go as high up as Blair.
Tracey Chapman sings about revolution and driving quickly to places in a way that could only be described as ‘anarchic’. Obviously, this has proved too big of a pill for the powers-that-be to swallow and, by feigning a death, they are trying to keep me, my manifesto, our revolution and Tracey Chapman as far away from each other as possible. I can’t claim to know exactly how The Lizards In Westminster hacked into our car radio that fateful night in McDonald’s car park, but what I do know is that Tracey Chapman is now a vital part of our mission to seek The Truth about this world and expose the lies our government feeds us every day.
Steve Vai is a seeker of truth, and now he is a seeker of Tracey Chapman. Tracey, if you’re reading this, please do not answer your phone or eat brown bread (this may kill you. The Lizards have a sense of human revolving around cockney rhyming slang. While you’re at it, avoid fruit stalls not on the ground floor).
Friends of this blog, the time for action is now. If you know Tracey Chapman, tell her me and Dave C have left some family size bottles of Sprite and a Twix ‘rollin, rollin, rollin on the river’. She’ll know what you mean. We’ve also left some foil and a bag of crisps. Just in case.
Don’t give up,
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P.S. I also thought Tracey Chapman was a man. Sorry about that, love.