who remembers the past??? vai does. in the past, it was steve vai who told everyone about the evils of scientology. not once, but twice.
and what happens today? councillor john Dixon from wales tweets about how he doesn’t want scientology to rub off on him outside a church and then what? the scientologists have pretty much killed him!!
how many times do i have to tell you people??? watch out for these lunatics, especially tom cruise! when i said i saw him at knutsford services playing time crisis 2 people thought id gone mad. three years later, theres a conspiracy against tracey chapman and now this in the space of a week. coincidence? does the pope like woods????
all i can legally tell you is this: be careful. the skies are closing in on us and if we’re not careful they’ll cut the internet. once this happens, civilisation is doomed and we won’t know what to do anymore. without twitter, there will be nothing to get upset about for a day. and without that, our existences become futile.
any of my american readers. if you see tracey chapman, protect her. do this by showing her the thumb, middle and little fingers on your left hand and then giving her some foil. she will know what to do. perhaps she will write a song about it. we can only hope.
if any of my readers see tom cruise – STAY WELL AWAY. he might act sweet and innocent (averagely), but it is easy to see through his skills and see him for the dangerous man that he is. a handful of us have seen the last samurai – dude can use a sword ftw!
and lastly, if you do not see tracey chapman, or tom cruise, just stock up on foil for gods sakes.
It has come to my attention that the singer/songwriter/guitar-player Tracey Chapman is not dead. Believe me, I found this information out the hard way on Friday night (Wikipedia). Firstly, I would just like to say that, although I was wrong to publish such unverified information, I think it is quite obvious that me and my friend Dave C have been duped as part of a much-wider conspiracy that may even go as high up as Blair.
Tracey Chapman sings about revolution and driving quickly to places in a way that could only be described as ‘anarchic’. Obviously, this has proved too big of a pill for the powers-that-be to swallow and, by feigning a death, they are trying to keep me, my manifesto, our revolution and Tracey Chapman as far away from each other as possible. I can’t claim to know exactly how The Lizards In Westminster hacked into our car radio that fateful night in McDonald’s car park, but what I do know is that Tracey Chapman is now a vital part of our mission to seek The Truth about this world and expose the lies our government feeds us every day.
Steve Vai is a seeker of truth, and now he is a seeker of Tracey Chapman. Tracey, if you’re reading this, please do not answer your phone or eat brown bread (this may kill you. The Lizards have a sense of human revolving around cockney rhyming slang. While you’re at it, avoid fruit stalls not on the ground floor).
Friends of this blog, the time for action is now. If you know Tracey Chapman, tell her me and Dave C have left some family size bottles of Sprite and a Twix ‘rollin, rollin, rollin on the river’. She’ll know what you mean. We’ve also left some foil and a bag of crisps. Just in case.
Don’t give up,
\sv/
P.S. I also thought Tracey Chapman was a man. Sorry about that, love.
alot of people haven’t been asking me whether the revolution i have spoken about on here is still on. i think it’s because they are in awe of the way i ‘psyched’ everybody when i pretending i wanted that job in london. well, the good news is i’ve spoken to dave c and as long as he decides against going to college then our plans are definitely back… on!
i put it to dave like this: what’s more important, kickin some corporate lizard ass on my dad’s leased line or a gnvq in business textiles? exactly.
so me and dave bought some leather jackets and then went to mcdonalds drive thru and when they asked us what we wanted to order we said: “how about some money for the poor people you killed to make a big mac? how about some justice with a side order of revolution?” she didn’t reply.
we drove round to the window and it turns out the machine wasn’t working so she didn’t hear us. dave’s asthma was kicking in a bit so we just ordered some nuggets and sat in the car park.
then we heard the news on the radio that tracey chapman had died.
if you don’t know who tracey chapman is, he wrote the songs ‘electric avenue’ and ‘ghostbusters’. he was like a slower bob marley but alive. until now. then the dj played ‘talkin bout a revolution’ and i knew what i had to do.
i marched back into mcdonalds, picked up a load of napkins and threw them on the floor. then i walked up to the front counter and told one of the ‘managers’ “that was for tracey”.
i got back in the car and waited for dave to come back. he’d gone to the toilet in the meantime. i sat thinking about the statement i had just made, and whether i could put it on a tshirt and sell it outside sixth form colleges. dave came back and when i asked why he’d taken so long he said it was because an employee called tracey was shouting and crying at people behind the counter in the restaurant.
i patted dave on the shoulder. i knew what he had seen was just a grief-stricken hallucination caused by the mcfumes.
decided i don’t need a job after all, other than the one I have. i’m better than it anyway no matter what they said on the phone. staying the same ftw! who wants to live in london anyway? the queen? no thanks mate, you can keep your crown!
they don’t really mean ’save the queen’! check out this comment on the youtube clip:
“I heard when sid wearing a swastikha t shirt and man walked up to him and said”Im jewish mate do you know how offencive that is”. In reply sid hugged him and sayed i love you. classic pistols”
can’t beat a bit of anarchy on a tuesday!
meeting up with dave c to cause some trouble when we’ve both finished working at our prospective jobs. then we might climb on a roof and throw sticks at pigeons – you can’t stop me dad!
got some propa playa plans for the weekend too. hitting up an internet casino to have a laugh with some marks (strangers). can you say chat roulette? haha probably not as the government controls ya mouth mate!
Oh, I wish I had got that job in London.
psych!!! see how easy it is to lie to the entire internet? that’s what i’ve been doing on this blog haha proper wound up all 15 of yas!
just waiting for dave c to turn up in his vectra. we call it the ‘wu tang car’ hahaha hes a dirty old man nah hes only 15! how’s he got a car then, you might ask? let’s just say you can download anything on torrent these days!
right i gotta and cause trouble then go pizza hut.
I was so nervous heading to London – how would I cope in the big city? How would I deal with the famous London Tubes? All this was answered and more the moment I hopped off the train at Euston and rubbed my eyes. Such a big station!
Within, like, 10 seconds I was lost. I had to ask for instructions to the tube station and finally found it. Then, I realised I didn’t have a ticket so I had to go back and buy a dayrider. Pretty expensive, and pretty hectic. Guess I’ll have to get used to this if (when!) I move to the Big Smoke.
I finally found the building where my (hopefully) new work will be. I checked in at reception and felt nervous. Shock horror! I’d forgotten to eat the sandwiches my mum made for me! Oh well, they’d have to wait until the train home later.
The nice interview lady called me in and I walked confidently into the room… 10 minutes later I was out. Nice and simple, kept all my answers short and to one-word and they seemed to be very impressed that I didn’t have any questions to ask them, showing I was sure I was the man for the job.
I left the building convinced I’d be back soon enough. I breathed in the clean London air and breathed out again, coughing a little due to nerves. Like the victorious man my father always wanted me to be, I strode back to the tube station and got lost twice on the way back to London Euston. It didn’t matter though – I was a man about to move to the big city, ready to make it in this world, and with a French sandwich in my bag!
Sometimes, I think I’m a little immature, especially in regards to how I act on the internet. At the end of the day, I need to know when to grow up. Today I received a job interview with a company of some repute that I’m really excited about. In fact, if all goes well I could be earning quite a lot of money, even to move out!
I’ve been getting my head together and in the right frame of mind for my interview. That means I’ve had to ignore Dave C’s calls as it’s time to move on. I’ve been swatting up on my knowledge of leased line and SDSL connections to make sure I can really nail this interview! I came top of the class in I.T. at secondary school, college and university so hopefully this will stand me in good stead. Plus, I have loads of experience in the programming world so maybe this job is in the bag already! Fingers crossed…
The job is in London, so I’ve made myself a nice packed lunch for the train. Well, mum made it. It’s a corned beef salad sandwich, with a yoghurt and a can of Dr Pepper. Hopefully the pop won’t make me too hyper – I don’t want to scare the interviewers off!
When I’ve finished the interview I might head around London for a bit of a sightseeing tour, take some snaps and upload them to Facebook. Or even send a few to my dad – he always promised to take me around London when I was a child but unfortunately he never really got the chance. It was his work that got in the way really. Oh well, I guess he did all that hard work for me and my mum.
well, me and dave c have decided to end the band, but its ok because we managed to make some waves on our way out. basically dave’s dad has a polycom soundstation 2 which is great for video-conferencing. we then set up our band (then name we settled on was ‘tHiS iS rAnDoM’ and played songs down the phone, using the soundstation, to various people in the music industry.
it was like doing our first concert/rehearsal as we played together for the first time and some of the songs (esp. ‘mad shouting’) we just winged it! anyway, here’s our set list (with some sample truthbomb lyrics) and who we played to…
‘government in a bin’ – sara cox’ p.a. sample lyric:
“if you all got in the bin itd be an epic win
oh cameron, hope you get rick roll’d to death”
‘john major in a minor (hot as currie)’ – xfm sales line sample lyric:
“wellllllllllllll whats the story, youre a tory owww!”
‘first class plain ticket’ – this morning competition hotline sample lyric:
“i refuse your economy sandwich
i refuse your economy sandwich
i refuse your economy sandwich
yeaaaaaa! (ive brought a truth packed lunch!)”
‘fudge scientology (aint dat sweet?)’ – emi (although we rang bmi instead for a laugh!) sample lyric:
“travolta’s a faulter and cruise is a lose……r”
‘mad shouting’ – deaf institute, manchester (ironic?) sample lyric: arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggghhhhhhhhhhh my ears!!! (improv.)
we got bored after a little while and decided to get a dominoes. then we had a chat about the band and decided that we’d done all the work, said all the things we were ever gonna say. we felt like the world has changed for the better as we tucked into each eight-cheese stuffed crust. it was a good way to go out. on top.
me and dave c have started our own band! we don’t have a name yet, and we haven’t recorded anything, but we know that our style is going to be anti-commercial and very much kicking against the wall of conventional society. sort of like dylan before his hair went grey and he sold out man!
(for those wondering why i am no longer using capital letters it is because i have had enough of authority!)
anyway, the band has been going from strength to strength since yesterday, and we already have ideas for three concept albums. one of the ideas, my favourite, is for an album called ’suck this’ and is composed entirely from sounds
created by vacuum cleaners.
(boom! that was the sound of your mind just a-blowing…)
don’t misunderstand us here, guys, we’re still involved in the anti-scientology movement and are still defo against all of the government’s terrible conspiracies. in fact, we’ve told 4chan of our intentions and they seem 100% behind us. most people on msn also seem to think this is a good idea, and twitter has been rockin. #changintheworldthrumuzak
one person who doesn’t think this is a good idea is dave c’s dad, who thinks dave should be concentrating more on his gcses next year rather than hanging around with a guy in his mid-20s who just gets him into proper mad trouble oh well – mr c will be thankin me when me and his son change the world and bring down the banks like halifax and hsbc. if he doesn’t thank me – lizard ftw!!
our first band practice is tonight and i think ive invented some pretty good chords. ever heard of z minor?
In 2008, the internet group known only as The Anonymous put on masks from V for Vendetta and complained about Scientology. It was really awesome and I wish I was there! Here’s to the next one guys!
RT @WH1SKS: My Twitter Porn name is 49284Williams59693298Maggie977 What's yours? Sort code, mums maiden name, a/c, 1st pet, last 3 card nos. 1 week ago
